past 2 days were horrible. emotions were relatively unstable. i couldnt find anyone to confide or rather i dont even know who to confide. eventually i just broke down to tears, which cant even solve anything at all. but i really dont know what to do. i dont know whether should i deserved all these that is happening now. is it me or are all these that is happening now are the so called "punishments"? how long is this "punishment" going to last?
family just made me felt worst. i just felt leftout. mum just gave me a feeling that she is putting a guard against me. of all topics, she will love to talk money with me. not talk, but scold. whatever i do will be wrong. why? how i wished i knew the answer too. seeing other people having happy family days i felt so envied. i used to have family day every sunday, but now no more. i dont even know why. bro and family together with my parents will have their own family day without me. i was unaware at all. i wasnt informed and none bother to tell me. sometimes i dont even know what is happening in this family. im just like a patron in this house. eat , sleep and out. communications has became lesser and lesser between me and the family. probably thats the main reason. however, i still insist to believe that there is still Love in the family :)
nonetheless, i received quite afew concerns from friends. some are just being plain kpo. i know who is true who is not. i've got my lesson learnt after i've got into citibank. citibank somehow or rather ruined my perspective of life. or if not, im just not being realistic enough but being too naive in the past. work is not on a smooth track. no phonecalls means no projects. no projects means no money. and pay was delayed! damn it! i had been sending resumes out, but i receive no calls/emails. sigh. by hook or by crook, i need to work by sept!
well oh wells, after so much of rants, i felt much better. i guessed it is just me. i really feel useless now. sigh,but Life Still Goes On right?!
